I'm sure you're up on the hype about how the world is going to end in 2012. Just like it was going to end in 2000 and on 8/08/2008. At least, that's what my crazy Redneck Uncle Ricky told me each time. I try to keep my distance from him, much like I do when I find out someone has the flu. But a few days ago I happened upon him and decided to visit with him, since I heard he's off the meth now and is a changed man.
Shit, the rumors are wrong! He may not be an angry mad man, but he's still a crazy loon!
A couple minutes into the conversation, I started staring at the mountains around us, so I didn't quite memorize everything he said. But for starters, children under age 20 experience deja vu and see spirits. Once they pass 20, they're not so lucky. This is where I started to really lose focus. I came back in time to hear about time travel and how all the UFOs are actually people time traveling. They appear and disappear in the sky because they've studied history books and know exactly when planes are in the sky, so they're able to avoid them and not have any collisions. If they travel to places on earth, they might collide with a tree, building, boulder or animal.
Somewhere around this point, the subject of solar flares came up. It seems that in 2012 there will be such huge solar flares that we will lose electricity for several years and disaster will be under foot! For this reason, he is buying bags of rice, salt, sugar, oats, flour and other staples and storing them in a trailer buried in the side of a mountain. I hear it's several miles into the forest where other people can't get to it.
Also linked to the solar flares, planets are going to line up with a certain star in Orion's belt and cause something to happen...I seriously don't know what he said next, I think I blacked out.
Oh yeah, it seems Nostradamus "prophesied" there was to be several Antichrist's: Napoleon, Hitler, George W. Bush and Saddam. I may have left some out but I think you get the idea. And Obama is the "black messiah" who will try to rescue us but will fail.
I don't know how we were able to tear ourselves away from him but we finally did and started driving away. It was at this point that my Redneck Cousin Norman started telling me how he believes 50% of Uncle Ricky's sentiments and then started reciting a sentence about Einstein and the "relative theory of gravity." I told him that unless he wants everyone else to think he's crazy too, he should make sure he studies up on the subjects so he can sound like he knows what he's talking about. Long story short, after some loud arguing about how he sounds like an ignorant ass that bases all his theories on studying done while stoned in high school, I ended up telling him to shut up five times because he wouldn't stop interrupting me and kept saying that stupid "relative theory of gravity" sentence.
So yeah. We just may have two loons in the family now. I'm not counting myself!
About Me
- City Slicker
- I was raised on a farm in a rural country setting and at my first opportunity, moved away to go to college. It was then that family members started to look at me with suspicion. Not because I was going to school but because I lived in a town where it was "so noisy," aka a fire department and neighbors. The last straw was when I moved to California and became a "Califoriegner." Though I have moved back in state within driving distance of my extended family, I will always be a City Slicker in their eyes. That's not necessarily a bad thing either, since I now appreciate the value of running hot water, know why it's important to keep the goats and chickens outside and will never have to eat a pet calf Grandpa accidently shot again. After much begging from my closest friend, I've decided to share some of my stories with you.
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