Redneck Cousin Eileen recently received some words of wisdom from her father.
"You better hope your baby is a boy or Rusty won't be able to change it's diapers. If he changes the diapers of a baby girl, he can go to jail for sexual molestation."
Eileen's husband has taken these words to heart and has already announced he won't be changing any of the upcoming baby girl's diapers.
Showing posts with label Redneck Cousin Rusty. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Redneck Cousin Rusty. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
You can have her.
With the latest health care reforms our government is in the process of instilling, my Redneck Cousin Eileen and her husband Rusty have decided to move to Canada.
Eileen: "There's lots of jobs in Canada, the timber industry is hiring a lot of people."
I tried to explain that you can't just get a job that easily, especially in a foreign country.
Eileen: "I know four or five people who have moved to Canada and they got jobs right away."
Me: "No, it doesn't work like that. You can't just move to a foreign country and start working."
Eileen: "It's true, you just get a job right away."
Me: "No."
Eileen: "Yeah!"
Me: "No."
Eileen: "Yeah!"
Me: "No. If you do that, you'll be working illegally. You have to have a green card, visa, work permit or something like that. Just like when you get a job here, the HR department asks if you're a citizen and if not, to provide proof you can work in the country."
Eileen: *Silence* "Well, all we need is $20,000 then, and we can become citizens of Canada."
I don't know where this dollar figure came from, but this is coming from the person who can't afford to pay her own health insurance.
Eileen: "There's lots of jobs in Canada, the timber industry is hiring a lot of people."
I tried to explain that you can't just get a job that easily, especially in a foreign country.
Eileen: "I know four or five people who have moved to Canada and they got jobs right away."
Me: "No, it doesn't work like that. You can't just move to a foreign country and start working."
Eileen: "It's true, you just get a job right away."
Me: "No."
Eileen: "Yeah!"
Me: "No."
Eileen: "Yeah!"
Me: "No. If you do that, you'll be working illegally. You have to have a green card, visa, work permit or something like that. Just like when you get a job here, the HR department asks if you're a citizen and if not, to provide proof you can work in the country."
Eileen: *Silence* "Well, all we need is $20,000 then, and we can become citizens of Canada."
I don't know where this dollar figure came from, but this is coming from the person who can't afford to pay her own health insurance.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Breaking news!
My Redneck Cousin Eileen and her husband Rusty finally put in their new passenger windows!
About six months ago, she got mad and punched out one window, then he got mad and punched out the other. They taped black garbage bags where the windows should have been but got pulled over for having dark covering over their windows. Their solution was to rip off the black garbage bags and replace them with clear plastic. Fast forward six months and the plastic is full of holes and flapping in the wind. They looked so bad that the last time Eileen visited, one of my neighbors (jokingly) complained that their car brought down the neighborhood property value and scared away potential renters for his near-by rental.
We live in a cold, rainy state and their baby is due in a little over a month, so after much lecturing from family members, they decided to put in "plastic windows that won't break when we punch them." I suggested they buy one of those clown bunching bags instead, but they only laughed and puffed away on their cigarettes in deep thought. Thankfully, someone convinced them to buy glass windows and after talking about it for a month, finally installed them in the doors.
At least now the baby won't get rained on. Well, until someone gets angry.
About six months ago, she got mad and punched out one window, then he got mad and punched out the other. They taped black garbage bags where the windows should have been but got pulled over for having dark covering over their windows. Their solution was to rip off the black garbage bags and replace them with clear plastic. Fast forward six months and the plastic is full of holes and flapping in the wind. They looked so bad that the last time Eileen visited, one of my neighbors (jokingly) complained that their car brought down the neighborhood property value and scared away potential renters for his near-by rental.
We live in a cold, rainy state and their baby is due in a little over a month, so after much lecturing from family members, they decided to put in "plastic windows that won't break when we punch them." I suggested they buy one of those clown bunching bags instead, but they only laughed and puffed away on their cigarettes in deep thought. Thankfully, someone convinced them to buy glass windows and after talking about it for a month, finally installed them in the doors.
At least now the baby won't get rained on. Well, until someone gets angry.
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